On love.....

We just passed another Valentine's Day.....a holiday mostly invented to make the card companies rich and give men another way to fail in the eyes of their women. I know that sounds jaded and I don't actually mean it that way, but it just seems like there are already so many ways to disappoint your spouse or significant other, do we really need a holiday to make it so? If you are really in love, shouldn't you celebrate that everyday? Is it meaningful to get roses that cost $50 one day and $30 the next? It's not that I don't believe in love or even celebrating it-I most assuredly DO-I just don't see the point of one specific day....I would rather my love know everyday I was thinking of them and how much they mean to me. But, take it for what it's worth-I'm but one female in a sea of many women..........


Valentine's Day always make me think about love. No matter that the holiday is a bit silly in my mind, (By the way, lest you think I am bitter-my Valentine's Day was fabulous and I would not trade that memory for anything.) it is a celebration of love. Love for a child. Love for family and friends. Love for your partner. It is a time to rejoice and revel in how wonderful it is to have people who love you and people to love back. Love is wonderful, no doubt. It is mystical and magical and different for every person.


Love is also a very powerful emotion. With love, you wield the power to render someone a blubbering mess or drive them to commit unspeakable acts. I can think of no other emotion but hate which holds that kind of power over humans. It motivates us to do things for others and it causes us so much pain. How is it that the most wonderful feeling can also be the worst feeling? How does one emotion control so much of our lives? Love is a mystery indeed........


Then, there are the questions of how you define love. People try to tell others all the time if they are or are not in love. They say it's too soon to fall in love......or it's been so long of course you're in love.


Some meet and marry within weeks or months and it lasts forever; always as in love as the day they met.


Some meet and date or even live together for years. Then as soon as they get married the destruction begins.


I do not think there is a magic number of days before you love someone. I do not think there is a magic combination of dating or living together that will make you more likely to succeed in your love. I do not think others can predict or determine one persons love for another. Each situation is unique and special unto itself. The only real predictor to the success or failure of love is honesty. If you are honest about yourself, natural and real from the first moment; honest with yourself, really knowing what you want and need from someone and honest with your intended about what you expect and desire, the rest will fall into place. Love shouldn't take any work at all. It should exist when and where it seems right. It should not be something that has to be worked at or thought about; it just is. Relationships are a different story. Relationships are a constant compromise and take a lot of work. Like a garden, they need tending and care to flourish. Neglect it too long and love will suffer. One should never confuse the love with the relationship....they are interdependent and intertwined, but still separate. If you have to work to love someone, it's not love. If you are disinterested in your partners needs, it's not love. Without love the relationship will fail and without caring about the relationship, love will die.


As I grow older I have come to realize that not only is every person different in what causes them to love another, but even each new love for a single person may be different every time. Some loves come slowly over time and some hit you out of left field. All love certainly has the capacity to grow stronger as time passes-these are the ties that bind us-but I do not think you can dismiss that which feels right, no matter the quantity of time. To do so would be foolish and could leave you missing out on the best love of all.......true love.