It's been so long.......

I know I haven't been posting over here like I should. You know, life, it just gets so busy and other things begin to take priority. However, the holidays are fast approaching-pft, they are here aren't they? We just finished Thanksgiving a few weeks ago; in two weeks Christmas will be upon us. It's funny how time flies....

.......right, our parents told us that while we were growing up didn't they.........

This time of year is often difficult for people. Suicide rates go up and holiday related depression is common. I fight a little of that myself. I feel like I live everyday in an oxymoron, but this time of year tends to magnify those feelings.


I love Christmas. It is by far and away my favorite holiday. I love the family. I love the decorations. I even love the crowds and the shopping; I LIVE for the tradition. We have long established rituals in this household-things I hold on to desperately, even as the kids outgrow them. We still read "T'was the Night Before Christmas". We also cut our tree every year. We have been doing since the girls were very small-I think they were 4 and 5 the first year. It is required every member of the family go. No boyfriends/friends/stray dogs allowed. This is a family event and until you adopt it, marry it, or otherwise get taken in, you are decidedly NOT invited. (I know, so mean.) We search out a new place every year to visit; we drive far-often over an hour. The search for a tree is never simple, quick or easy. We have tramped through mud, rain, snow, freezing temperatures and even a few nearly sweltering days to get the perfect tree.

The kids complain the whole time, "How about this one?" "What about that one?" "MOOOOOMMMM, seriously, how far are we going to have to walk???" and my personal favorite, "Dammit, JUST PICK SOMETHING! You're driving us crazy!" My family loves me and through these things I know it's true.

I'll never forget the one year I just couldn't make room in my schedule to go so far and spend so much time getting a tree. The weather had been particularly bad and my schedule particularly packed. I announced the Saturday before Christmas we would not be cutting our tree that year. We would instead go a lot and buy one like all the sane people in the world. When the protests and cries of fowl play and conspiracy started, I KNEW all the tradition and ritual had been worth it. These are the things that get me through when the dark tries to encroach......

We are on our way to get this years tree. In fact I write to you as we travel.......now, on the road. (How pathetic. I take my computer and Internet everywhere with me.) The girls sitting in the backseat of the truck, so grown; nearly done with me and ready to take flight on their own. They are young women now. Kelsey will graduate high school this year. Devon a junior. They will launch and falter many times over the years I am sure, but I will always be here for them.......as that is also a tradition around here.

When the sadness creeps in or memories try to shatter my mind, I just look at my girls. I have come so far, mostly because of them. I made every sacrifice for them; in turn they saved me.
I wanted them to have positive things to look back on in their lives. I wanted them to know they could count on things.......on me. Children need stability; they thrive on expectation of results or actions anticipated. They need to know no matter what else is going on, there are things that can be known beyond a shadow of a doubt. I needed that for them.

I need it for myself more I think......

Time has changed me. Time has healed me in ways I once thought impossible, but it is tradition that I hold on to dearly when I need a rope. It is the known and the expected that I created for my children that has given me what I need.

When I hear them talk about being grown up: not marrying a man who won't cut their tree; who will hold the weekly Sunday dinners; who gets custody of my 60-something Christmas Bears when I get too old and tired to put them out every year; it swells my heart and heals my pain to know they will have these things to remember about growing up. I have done right by them. No matter the mistakes I have made, they have had their childhood. They have been allowed to thrive, make their mistakes, and triumph in the face of adversity. I have been able to give that to them and THAT is what it's all about.

Merry Christmas my friend.

Training Update (or MAN! am I Hungry.....)

Alright guys.....no I haven't died or given up :) I have just been SO busy and when I am not busy, I am exhausted! I'm still working at it, still getting ready for September.

So the latest is-I was making great progress and then all of the sudden I hit a wall on fat loss. This was super dis-heartening-as I am sure you can imagine. However, being a bull-headed, know-it-all, is sort of what I am all about, so I just changed up my diet (AGAIN). We'll see where that gets me over the next week or two. In fact, I am going to use the diet my training partner/best bud fixed up for me while getting ready for my High School reunion last summer. I easily stripped down to 124 with way less effort than I am putting forth now. It includes lots more carbs, with a slight reduction in protien to make up for the calories. I can keep switching this thing up until the last two weeks; that's when it has either worked or not. If not, I may need to consider hiring someone to do a diet for me again. I don't know, maybe nearing 40 has just changed my ability to burn off fat to the point where I need a totally new diet. Maybe I am not working hard enough; I won't lie, that is a possibility. There is so much going on in other areas of my life it is very difficult to give this the attention that it requires. BUT, I will continue on for now. I still have time and I am not that bad off.


I don't have a whole set of pictures for "before", but I took a couple of myself this morning:







My mid section is coming in fine. I am happy with the progress there. I was looking at some progress photos from my last competition at about the same weeks out and it really looks like I am in about the same condition-fat wise-so that was good news. Awesomely though, it seems there is a chance I am going to be competing at a much higher weight than previously. I have always weighed in around 114 when competing. If I had to guess at this point I will probably be closer to 118-120 on stage this time. I knew I had put on some size since my previous adventure, but I didn't know it was going to be like 5 pounds. That is really great! It's nice when hard work pays off :) As an aside-that arm shot just doesn't do justice to my progress in that area. My arms look great. My tri's are coming in fantastic and my shoulders are awesome-although shoulders are my best body part by far-so they always look good.

The one thing I have completely blown off (oh and it WILL come back to haunt me) is the routine. I must get my music and the routine picked out. I don't even know if it is a 60 or 90 second routine. I can't pick a song. I love "Something in Your Mouth", a song off the new Nickleback album, but the connotations of the song might be a little much. I always lean toward AC/DC-they just rock. Paul would like me to do it to "Ballbreaker" which is amusing to me-plus it is a little slower than the Nickleback song, which makes it easier to pose to. I like "Thunderstruck" too. I mean really......that's what I'm talking about, right :) Last time I did Silvertide-which I could do again and would mean I wouldn't have to come up with a new routine-but that seems boring. I want a new routine and song. I just don't want the work. So sad. I was also looking at "Back in Black" I already have that song cut the way I want it for a routine. I was planning a routine to that cut the last time I was on stage. Then I opted to stay with what I already had at the last minute.....for exactly this reason. I procrastinated to the last minute then too. Grrrr. Stop it!

For the most part my attitude has been ok. I'm sure I have been a little more grumpy at times, but honestly, overall, I feel like I am only tired more so than bitchy. That is good news for my family and clients :) I have only had one or two days where I have really just wanted to punch everyone who talks to me. I should really be easy to get along with now since I am changing up the diet to include more carbs for a while. That is usually where the issue comes in-no or super low carbs makes you so foggy it is hard to function, which in turn just makes people more irritating.

The workouts are going just fine. I have little to report there except I am training very heavy and very hard. I rarely have issue with the training. That is the part I really love. I love getting stronger. I love looking fit. I love lifting weights-it makes me feel powerful!

Don't forget-"Winners do what losers won't!"

Training Update

These are the supplements I take with breakfast. I'm supposed to be taking three each of the Livers and Aminos (the brown and white mammoth pills) but right now my stomach can't take that, so, I'm easing into it.

I know it has been a few days. I'm still here....just a little more tired and a little weaker :)

Everything is still humming along just fine. I have dropped roughly 6 lbs in 9 days. At this point in the game, I can live with that progress. The diet is always the hardest, but so far, so good. I'm not really fighting too many cravings-except salt. Salty snacks are really my weakness anyway, but when I am dieting-it is almost unbearable how bad I want salt. Some of that is attributable to the fact that my diet is very low sodium, I'm sure; some if it is just because you always want what you can't have.......and I have yet to find a competition diet (that works) that is full of potato chips and hard salami. (mmmmm)

Training is going fine. I never have difficulty with that part. Other than the actual exercises used, I train most days even when I'm not competing anyway-so that's no biggie. Some days I can really go hard and heavy and some days, I definitely do not have it. Today will be a leg day-those are always tough. My leg routine right now looks like this:

All tri-sets (Three different exercises, performed one right after the other, no rest until all three are done. Rest two minutes and do it again-three iterations.)

(Heavy 12,10,8 reps)

• Leg Extensions (aprox 90, 100, 105-lbs)
• Lying Hamstring Curl (aprox 75, 85, 90-lbs)
• Standing Calf Raise (aprox 155, 195, 205-lbs)
  

• Barbell Squat (aprox 95, 105, 115-lbs)
• Romanian Deadlift (aprox 90, 95, 100-lbs)
• Seated Calf Raise (aprox 115, 135, 160-lbs)
  

• Leg Press (aprox 140, 160, 180-lbs)
• One-Leg Hamstring Curl (60,70,80-lbs)
• Calf Press (on leg machine) (aprox 140, 160, 180-lbs)
  

I did not do cardio this morning. I was so wiped out yesterday after cardio and shoulders, I thought maybe I should save my energy this morning and do legs first-right after breakfast when I get some carbs. I will probably run tonight or maybe even this afternoon (before lunch) and tonight, depending on how I feel I am holding up. One thing I don't want to do is burn out right off the bat.

Misery Loves Company

Another day, another .2 lbs. of fat off my body :) So far everything is going very well. I am sticking to the diet with ease at this point. It will get worse later; you can only eat so much chicken and broccoli before you want to stop eating all together. Anyway, for now-no problem. I have been 5 days with the current diet. Since I started contest prep so late in the game (9 weeks instead of 12 or 16) I pulled all but my breakfast carbs right off the bat. Today I have an "office" day planned, so I hope to take a bit of time, pull out my actual contest diet and see where I'm supposed to be food-wise at this point in the process. Now that I have jump-started my fat burning, I feel a little more confident about adding in some more carbs if it is expected.

I am down 3.8lbs since starting on Friday. I'm sure that is part water, part fat, but seeing the progress is a motivator. I feel confident I am not loosing too much muscle yet. For one, I can see exactly where the fat is coming off of my body. I can see my mid-section flattening out already and my shoulder muscles are starting to become a bit more apparent. This is how I will loose fat, with it coming off my legs last. I seem to carry the most fat on my thighs-which I find very annoying. I wish it was more evenly distributed. So...the progress is good at this point and I am happy with how I look in the morning. This is the time of day competitors evaluate themselves; you are the most dehydrated and your stomach empty. The morning review is an excellent way to track progress.

The workouts are going fine. I did a ridiculous leg routine on Sunday, which has left me sore even into this morning. Monday is the day I don't do weights-I only take one day off each week and that always seems to be the most difficult day to make it to the gym. Yesterday was a back routine. It was good, but I feel I am going to have ramp that up. I was just not satisfied when I was done-frankly I don't think I worked hard enough or lifted heavy enough. I will pull out my workout routines this morning too and take a look at them. I think my leg and arms regimen are good, but I am open to something else on other body parts.

Cardio is going well. For right now I am only doing once per a day and I am running on the treadmill. I can do this as long as I am seeing progress-once my fat burning slows I will move to two a day. You don't want to move this immediately if you can avoid it, just because you will get a bigger boost if the techniques can be added in later. It's all just a trick for your body. No one's body likes to get to 7% body fat. I will use any trick I can :)

I'm glad so far my attitude and emotion seem to be holding steady. Competitors tend to get a little cranky, but I am holding my own right now. Keep checking in though-that's sure to change and then the fun will really begin!

I Love Torture! The proof is right here.

Last week a friend approached me about competing in a Bodybuilding/Figure Competition this September. As you know, I've been futzing around with the idea for a bit; I'm just having a really hard time committing.

Well, it would seem this is the one for me. I have decided to take it on. I am going to actually take a stab at doing two shows-the first is The Mr/Ms Natural Indiana on 9/26. The second will be a week later, here at home, St. Louis Gateway Naturals Bodybuildng & Figure Competition on 10/3. Now that I have settled this nagging in my mind, I'm actually kind of excited.

It has been a few years since I have been on stage. Over the last few years I have kept up with a decent diet, regular exercise and of course the dreaded cardio. I think I have put on some quality size-while not huge-I hope to make a good showing at the events I have chosen.

I plan on detailing my progress here. People are often fascinated with the process and are always interested to learn what is involved in prepping for a contest. I will share the basics of the diet, lifting and cardio regimen I follow. I will also try to share some of the more personal aspects of the process. It takes a huge amount of dedication and determination to prepare for a competition. If you have any questions or comments feel free to leave them. During this time, the more encouragement I get, the better I will look when the day of reckoning comes :)

One quick point....

I mostly compete in only drug tested, all-natural competitions. I do this because I choose to compete drug free and I want to make sure I am competing on a level playing field. My views on steroid use might surprise you: I take the position that steroid use should be regulated, not banned. If they were legal, I would still not take them, but I feel others would then have the information to make informed decisions and receive proper care and dosing. The fact is, there is little evidence that "roid rage" even exists. If folks were receiving proper care and instruction there would be no concern. Abuse is a separate issue and cannot be logically used in this argument. There are people who abuse alcohol and plastic surgery, yet they remain legal. There are guidelines for use and regulation of these industries. Generally speaking, the system works. I am all for keeping the competitors separate, giving us the ability to compete with others who are most similar in body composition, but because steroids are really only a body composition altering drug-they don't effect your reaction times or "mess you up"-I just feel outlawing them is the wrong approach.

So let's get to it:
I started my contest prep diet and training on Friday. I usually like 12-16 weeks to prepare for a show, but the first one is only 9 weeks away. Blah, I hate starting behind the 8 ball, but I am fortunate in that I do not think I am too bad off. It is my hope cutting all but breakfast carbs (and then carb loading every third or fourth day) and jumping right in this week to twice a day cardio will do it for me. The worst part will be this first week (um, well and the last week); three days in and I am feeling the effects of carb depletion. Yesterday I had to take a 20 minute power nap. I will adjust to this over the next week as my body switches to primarily fat-burning mode for energy. In brief, my diet will look like this for this week:

Breakfast: Protein Shake and 1/3 cup oats
Snack: Protein Shake
Lunch: Lean meat and veggies (I usually eat a lean steak salad, no dressing)
Snack:Protein shake or a small serving of a lean meat only
Dinner: Lean meat and veggie
Snack (if I'm dying): 1/4 no fat cottage cheese

Mmmm, sounds delicious doesn't it :)

I will detail my training from time to time during the next 9-10 weeks, but for today we'll just look at in general. I do cardio 7 days a week twice a day. I only do running cardio, until my shin splints come back, then I will also mix in some elliptical at the gym. I actually hate running with a passion, but it is the most effective for me. I always do HIIT type cardio. (High Intensity Interval Training) This is an intese level of very fast sprinting combined with periods of walking. I do this type of cardio for several reasons. First, HIIT is the most effective for fat burning, while also retaining the most lean muscle mass. It also has the added benefit of providing extended fat burning in the body. This means I will not only burn fat while I do cardio, but for hours after. Finally, the biggest reason I use it: I can do it for a lesser amount of time. If you can do more than about 25 minutes (for a well conditioned athlete) you are not doing the sprint part right.

For weight lifting I will have to switch back to very heavy weights; old school style training. I change my workout routines every 6 to 8 weeks, but it has been a long time since I have relied totally on the old-school stuff. BUT, there is a reason it is old school and still in use-BECAUSE IT WORKS. This means heavy squats, deadlifts, bicep curls, press downs, rows pullups and tons of other very basic, very heavy excercises. The last week I will switch to almost exclusively machines. There are two reasons for this. One, the risk of injury is much higher this last week. You are almost completely carb (therefore energy) depleted which leaves you weak and brain-dead. Second, you utilize lighter weights, higher reps, and drop sets. In short, it easier and safer. I will lift 6 days a week, doing one or two muscle groups each session; working each muscle group once per week.

Finally, supplementation. I do minimal supplementation. I will use a fat burner. I find Fahrenheit or Stacker2 works the best for me. I also love Lean Out which is a Beverly Product, but I will wait until the last four weeks to add that in. I will also take Beef Livers and Amino Acid pills. These will help with muscle retention during such a calorie restrictive, exercises intensive phase. Those and a multi-vitamin will about do it for me. I hate taking a bunch of crap-only because I am lazy.

Because I compete as a bodybuilder, not figure or fitness, I also have to come up with a 60 or 90 second posing routine set to music of my choice. Right now I am evaluating songs and picking prime poses in my mind. I will let you guys in on all that in a later post.

I will post some now pictures in a day or two and we will try to get a set up at least once every week.

If you have any questions or want to comment on anything you see here feel free-I'd love to hear from you.

The mantra I will live by for the next 10 weeks and repeat over and over, given to me by my very best friend (besides my husband)

"Winners do what losers won't"

I hope to see you around-the fun is in the journey :)

Things I Usually Kill

Unfortunately, my track record with growing any sort of plant is, well.........dismal to say the least. I do not have a "green thumb" and in fact I once remarked, I am so bad at caring for plants, I managed to kill a fake plant.

However, with the completion of our new most awesome patio, which I wrote about here, I decided to try one more time and bought live stuff for it.

So far they live.


And actually thrive a bit.

If I can keep them going through the summer, I will consider it quite an accomplishment!

Teenagers Give me a Headache.......

Blah. Raising teenagers is a thankless job. One of my biggest complaints? Raising the kids is difficult, but fighting all the other parents out there is the biggest battle of all. If you don't yet have teenagers, just wait, you haven't even gotten to the fun part yet.

Because I care about what my kids are doing. Because I don't approve of or allow my children to do things that break the law. Because I feel it is my job to maintain control over where and what they are doing....well, I am often on the receiving end of a lot of hate in this house.

My girls are both nearing the end of their time needing parental guidance-at least the day-to-day kind anyway-but they are not at the end. Or past the end. In other words, I am still the boss.

Good parenting is difficult enough to do with your own kids; add in other parents who allow drinking, have mixed gender sleep-overs, and will lie for any child that asks them to and you have the recipe for a Mixed Martial Arts smack down in South St. Louis County at 3 pm on a Tuesday.

I am sick and tired of having to second guess what is going to happen at another house. Will there be underage drinking-I have face that at three separate homes. Is there a curfew and is it enforced? Would I be told if they missed it? Is there any standard of parenting at all; or worse are the parents even home? Seriously, a house full of teenagers with no supervision.....not while I'm still breathing.

To make matter even more complicated, both my girls drive now. There are parents out there allowing their underage children to drink-with their knowledge-then see no harm in letting them get behind the wheel of a car. WTF? Who thinks this is OK? How can I compete with poor judgement of this stupi-itude? Some days I feel I must live in an alternate reality.

These questions are not a matter of trust. These questions are a matter of not being stupid, not falling off the turnip truck yesterday and not enabling my kids to make some of the same mistakes I did. I'll tell you something else too, if you find this hypocritical, not only are you part of the problem, you should not have kids. No matter what I did as a youth, it is not my job to be fair or without sin; it is my job to raise my children with proper morals and supervision; to give them the best possible launch in life; to not allow them to crash before they even have a chance to launch.

As I so often have to tell them-I am not your friend, I am your mother. Blah. Teens....what a pain.

Total Annihilation

One (wo)mans hobby is another (wo)mans pure and total annihilation.

Several years ago I decided I needed a new hobby and for some unknown reason I picked weight lifting. I thought it would be a good stress reliever (it is) and I thought it would make my body look better (it does) Plus, seriously, I could only use that excuse about how having two kids ruined my body until the kids were so old-after that, it's no longer the kids fault.

When I started I picked an awesome trainer, Matt:

who pushed me until I wanted to sacrifice him and everyone in his family to the Gods of Pain. But two days later I would return. Faithfully. Every week for two years. Stupid.

At some point Matt started trying to convinced me that, at the ripe old age of 35, I should step out on stage in a tiny bikini, showing off my hard earned muscle to be judged, and participate in the sport of competitive bodybuilding. To which I responded (for many months) laughing hysterically and walking away.

He's just a little boy-what did he know........He's nearly 10 years younger than me, so I mostly dismiss everything he says. Truthfully, I mostly do it because he is a boy, but him being 10 years younger doesn't help his standing. That's a joke people, lighten up-he calls me old all the time. We are very close truth be told. We have long since moved out of the trainer/trainee relationship and became training partners-until he moved away on me, a few weeks ago.

I guess it became inevitable-at some point he wore me down and persuaded me to get on stage at the only all natural (drug tested) event in St. Louis-The Show Me Naturals. (It was the only one at that time. Now there are a few.)

I cannot even express in words how scared I was.


But then, I stepped out on stage and an addiction was born. The thrill of being on stage. Showing off the months of deprivation and training. It is unlike anything else I have ever experienced.

One might compare it to having kids: the journey was torture. But now, I barely remember that. Being on stage?......I'll NEVER forget.

This was my first show. I've done a few more since then and am contemplating another this year with 40 bearing down on me like a freight train.

I have begun the grueling training regimen, but the thought of the diet sends me to a bag of chips every time. I'll get over it. I always do. I just don't know when.

If you're wondering, yes, I am a winner. I have never taken less than second and even have an over-all to my name. If you don't know-there is no higher place than Over-all. That means you were not only 1st in your class, but you beat out all the other first place class winners at the end for the "Over-all" trophy.

People often ask me why I spend so much time at the gym; why do cardio every day; why 5 am......or "What is your deal lady?"

This is what motivates me. This is what I'm thinking.

What's in a name......

This is my stab at a "lifestyle" blog. (I already do politics HERE.)I just recently heard that term and I like it. For me, being a mom to teenagers immediately disqualifies me from having a "mommy" blog....in my mind anyway; I'm just too old. But a lifestyle I have. That, I am qualified to drone on and on about.

I like to think that I might have something to contribute, so here it is. It also occurred to me today, while waiting as my 16 year old baby tried and achieved this weeks goal of independent driving, time is flying by and while I don't have much time left with my girls (at home, I'm not dying or anything) I don't want to miss a second. Plus, even teens are hilarious some days.

For today I just want to share a few bits with you, like my title....why "Cover it with trim"? This has somehow become the mantra of my marriage and my life. We say it all the time around here and it is said with the same feeling as "Don't sweat the small stuff." or "We'll work it out."

My husband and I do a lot of home projects ourselves. He is awesome at constructing and I am awesome at designing, bossing, and then, gophering, when the actual work is beyond me physically. We work very well together most of the time. For some strange reason, we really enjoy doing these things together.

But......the title. One of our first projects was adding an office and bedroom with walk-in closet to our partially finished basement about 8 years ago. We had done some little projects here and there, but this was our first major undertaking together. If you know anything about construction and tiny, 60 year old homes, you know there are some things that just cannot be made totally level or totally square and maybe even totally right. It soon became the running joke on that project (and every project since) that an uneven cut, misplaced hammer swing, or unattainable square corner, that we would "just cover that with trim". Of course, had that reined true our entire bedroom would have be made of trim. Have no fear, the actual project turned out fantastic. I sit in my office, typing this today.

The statement says a lot about my marriage and my outlook on life though, especially where my family is concerned. Have no doubt, I am fierce. I am strong and bullish. I don't take any crap off my teens, my husband, or anyone really-but I don't sweat the small stuff. My husband I and rarely fight; we try to resolve our differences through give and take; loud words are hardly ever needed. I had that in my first, very dysfunctional and abusive marriage; I wasn't going for that the second time around.

I have come a long way baby. Over the next weeks, months and years you may come to know that about me.

So just remember, the next time things are not quite going your way or something won't quite fit in your life just "cover it with trim". When it's done, the trim only covers the parts that you have no control over; the rest looks just the way you want it to.

Father's Day '09

We host a Father's Day barbecue every year at our house. This one was special because we finished our most awesome patio and were very excited to share it with everyone.....


(We're still working on the sidewalk to the back patio and the grass, so don't look at that stuff :)

I can't even cook without my technology :-) That laptop sits on my counter all the time. It runs my recipes, broadcast HD TV, DirectTV DVR'ed programs, iTunes and streaming radio. I like to be entertained while I cook, what can I say.

Cheap but cute. Bought specifically for the patio.......


The surest sign my two favorite guys had a great meal........