We just passed another Valentine's Day.....a holiday mostly invented to make the card companies rich and give men another way to fail in the eyes of their women. I know that sounds jaded and I don't actually mean it that way, but it just seems like there are already so many ways to disappoint your spouse or significant other, do we really need a holiday to make it so? If you are really in love, shouldn't you celebrate that everyday? Is it meaningful to get roses that cost $50 one day and $30 the next? It's not that I don't believe in love or even celebrating it-I most assuredly DO-I just don't see the point of one specific day....I would rather my love know everyday I was thinking of them and how much they mean to me. But, take it for what it's worth-I'm but one female in a sea of many women..........
Valentine's Day always make me think about love. No matter that the holiday is a bit silly in my mind, (By the way, lest you think I am bitter-my Valentine's Day was fabulous and I would not trade that memory for anything.) it is a celebration of love. Love for a child. Love for family and friends. Love for your partner. It is a time to rejoice and revel in how wonderful it is to have people who love you and people to love back. Love is wonderful, no doubt. It is mystical and magical and different for every person.
Love is also a very powerful emotion. With love, you wield the power to render someone a blubbering mess or drive them to commit unspeakable acts. I can think of no other emotion but hate which holds that kind of power over humans. It motivates us to do things for others and it causes us so much pain. How is it that the most wonderful feeling can also be the worst feeling? How does one emotion control so much of our lives? Love is a mystery indeed........
Then, there are the questions of how you define love. People try to tell others all the time if they are or are not in love. They say it's too soon to fall in love......or it's been so long of course you're in love.
Some meet and marry within weeks or months and it lasts forever; always as in love as the day they met.
Some meet and date or even live together for years. Then as soon as they get married the destruction begins.
I do not think there is a magic number of days before you love someone. I do not think there is a magic combination of dating or living together that will make you more likely to succeed in your love. I do not think others can predict or determine one persons love for another. Each situation is unique and special unto itself. The only real predictor to the success or failure of love is honesty. If you are honest about yourself, natural and real from the first moment; honest with yourself, really knowing what you want and need from someone and honest with your intended about what you expect and desire, the rest will fall into place. Love shouldn't take any work at all. It should exist when and where it seems right. It should not be something that has to be worked at or thought about; it just is. Relationships are a different story. Relationships are a constant compromise and take a lot of work. Like a garden, they need tending and care to flourish. Neglect it too long and love will suffer. One should never confuse the love with the relationship....they are interdependent and intertwined, but still separate. If you have to work to love someone, it's not love. If you are disinterested in your partners needs, it's not love. Without love the relationship will fail and without caring about the relationship, love will die.
As I grow older I have come to realize that not only is every person different in what causes them to love another, but even each new love for a single person may be different every time. Some loves come slowly over time and some hit you out of left field. All love certainly has the capacity to grow stronger as time passes-these are the ties that bind us-but I do not think you can dismiss that which feels right, no matter the quantity of time. To do so would be foolish and could leave you missing out on the best love of all.......true love.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Saturday, December 12, 2009
It's been so long.......
I know I haven't been posting over here like I should. You know, life, it just gets so busy and other things begin to take priority. However, the holidays are fast approaching-pft, they are here aren't they? We just finished Thanksgiving a few weeks ago; in two weeks Christmas will be upon us. It's funny how time flies....
.......right, our parents told us that while we were growing up didn't they.........
This time of year is often difficult for people. Suicide rates go up and holiday related depression is common. I fight a little of that myself. I feel like I live everyday in an oxymoron, but this time of year tends to magnify those feelings.
I love Christmas. It is by far and away my favorite holiday. I love the family. I love the decorations. I even love the crowds and the shopping; I LIVE for the tradition. We have long established rituals in this household-things I hold on to desperately, even as the kids outgrow them. We still read "T'was the Night Before Christmas". We also cut our tree every year. We have been doing since the girls were very small-I think they were 4 and 5 the first year. It is required every member of the family go. No boyfriends/friends/stray dogs allowed. This is a family event and until you adopt it, marry it, or otherwise get taken in, you are decidedly NOT invited. (I know, so mean.) We search out a new place every year to visit; we drive far-often over an hour. The search for a tree is never simple, quick or easy. We have tramped through mud, rain, snow, freezing temperatures and even a few nearly sweltering days to get the perfect tree.
The kids complain the whole time, "How about this one?" "What about that one?" "MOOOOOMMMM, seriously, how far are we going to have to walk???" and my personal favorite, "Dammit, JUST PICK SOMETHING! You're driving us crazy!" My family loves me and through these things I know it's true.
I'll never forget the one year I just couldn't make room in my schedule to go so far and spend so much time getting a tree. The weather had been particularly bad and my schedule particularly packed. I announced the Saturday before Christmas we would not be cutting our tree that year. We would instead go a lot and buy one like all the sane people in the world. When the protests and cries of fowl play and conspiracy started, I KNEW all the tradition and ritual had been worth it. These are the things that get me through when the dark tries to encroach......
We are on our way to get this years tree. In fact I write to you as we travel.......now, on the road. (How pathetic. I take my computer and Internet everywhere with me.) The girls sitting in the backseat of the truck, so grown; nearly done with me and ready to take flight on their own. They are young women now. Kelsey will graduate high school this year. Devon a junior. They will launch and falter many times over the years I am sure, but I will always be here for them.......as that is also a tradition around here.
When the sadness creeps in or memories try to shatter my mind, I just look at my girls. I have come so far, mostly because of them. I made every sacrifice for them; in turn they saved me.
I wanted them to have positive things to look back on in their lives. I wanted them to know they could count on things.......on me. Children need stability; they thrive on expectation of results or actions anticipated. They need to know no matter what else is going on, there are things that can be known beyond a shadow of a doubt. I needed that for them.
I need it for myself more I think......
Time has changed me. Time has healed me in ways I once thought impossible, but it is tradition that I hold on to dearly when I need a rope. It is the known and the expected that I created for my children that has given me what I need.
When I hear them talk about being grown up: not marrying a man who won't cut their tree; who will hold the weekly Sunday dinners; who gets custody of my 60-something Christmas Bears when I get too old and tired to put them out every year; it swells my heart and heals my pain to know they will have these things to remember about growing up. I have done right by them. No matter the mistakes I have made, they have had their childhood. They have been allowed to thrive, make their mistakes, and triumph in the face of adversity. I have been able to give that to them and THAT is what it's all about.
Merry Christmas my friend.
.......right, our parents told us that while we were growing up didn't they.........
This time of year is often difficult for people. Suicide rates go up and holiday related depression is common. I fight a little of that myself. I feel like I live everyday in an oxymoron, but this time of year tends to magnify those feelings.
I love Christmas. It is by far and away my favorite holiday. I love the family. I love the decorations. I even love the crowds and the shopping; I LIVE for the tradition. We have long established rituals in this household-things I hold on to desperately, even as the kids outgrow them. We still read "T'was the Night Before Christmas". We also cut our tree every year. We have been doing since the girls were very small-I think they were 4 and 5 the first year. It is required every member of the family go. No boyfriends/friends/stray dogs allowed. This is a family event and until you adopt it, marry it, or otherwise get taken in, you are decidedly NOT invited. (I know, so mean.) We search out a new place every year to visit; we drive far-often over an hour. The search for a tree is never simple, quick or easy. We have tramped through mud, rain, snow, freezing temperatures and even a few nearly sweltering days to get the perfect tree.
The kids complain the whole time, "How about this one?" "What about that one?" "MOOOOOMMMM, seriously, how far are we going to have to walk???" and my personal favorite, "Dammit, JUST PICK SOMETHING! You're driving us crazy!" My family loves me and through these things I know it's true.
I'll never forget the one year I just couldn't make room in my schedule to go so far and spend so much time getting a tree. The weather had been particularly bad and my schedule particularly packed. I announced the Saturday before Christmas we would not be cutting our tree that year. We would instead go a lot and buy one like all the sane people in the world. When the protests and cries of fowl play and conspiracy started, I KNEW all the tradition and ritual had been worth it. These are the things that get me through when the dark tries to encroach......
We are on our way to get this years tree. In fact I write to you as we travel.......now, on the road. (How pathetic. I take my computer and Internet everywhere with me.) The girls sitting in the backseat of the truck, so grown; nearly done with me and ready to take flight on their own. They are young women now. Kelsey will graduate high school this year. Devon a junior. They will launch and falter many times over the years I am sure, but I will always be here for them.......as that is also a tradition around here.
When the sadness creeps in or memories try to shatter my mind, I just look at my girls. I have come so far, mostly because of them. I made every sacrifice for them; in turn they saved me.
I wanted them to have positive things to look back on in their lives. I wanted them to know they could count on things.......on me. Children need stability; they thrive on expectation of results or actions anticipated. They need to know no matter what else is going on, there are things that can be known beyond a shadow of a doubt. I needed that for them.
I need it for myself more I think......
Time has changed me. Time has healed me in ways I once thought impossible, but it is tradition that I hold on to dearly when I need a rope. It is the known and the expected that I created for my children that has given me what I need.
When I hear them talk about being grown up: not marrying a man who won't cut their tree; who will hold the weekly Sunday dinners; who gets custody of my 60-something Christmas Bears when I get too old and tired to put them out every year; it swells my heart and heals my pain to know they will have these things to remember about growing up. I have done right by them. No matter the mistakes I have made, they have had their childhood. They have been allowed to thrive, make their mistakes, and triumph in the face of adversity. I have been able to give that to them and THAT is what it's all about.
Merry Christmas my friend.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Training Update (or MAN! am I Hungry.....)
Alright guys.....no I haven't died or given up :) I have just been SO busy and when I am not busy, I am exhausted! I'm still working at it, still getting ready for September.
So the latest is-I was making great progress and then all of the sudden I hit a wall on fat loss. This was super dis-heartening-as I am sure you can imagine. However, being a bull-headed, know-it-all, is sort of what I am all about, so I just changed up my diet (AGAIN). We'll see where that gets me over the next week or two. In fact, I am going to use the diet my training partner/best bud fixed up for me while getting ready for my High School reunion last summer. I easily stripped down to 124 with way less effort than I am putting forth now. It includes lots more carbs, with a slight reduction in protien to make up for the calories. I can keep switching this thing up until the last two weeks; that's when it has either worked or not. If not, I may need to consider hiring someone to do a diet for me again. I don't know, maybe nearing 40 has just changed my ability to burn off fat to the point where I need a totally new diet. Maybe I am not working hard enough; I won't lie, that is a possibility. There is so much going on in other areas of my life it is very difficult to give this the attention that it requires. BUT, I will continue on for now. I still have time and I am not that bad off.
I don't have a whole set of pictures for "before", but I took a couple of myself this morning:
My mid section is coming in fine. I am happy with the progress there. I was looking at some progress photos from my last competition at about the same weeks out and it really looks like I am in about the same condition-fat wise-so that was good news. Awesomely though, it seems there is a chance I am going to be competing at a much higher weight than previously. I have always weighed in around 114 when competing. If I had to guess at this point I will probably be closer to 118-120 on stage this time. I knew I had put on some size since my previous adventure, but I didn't know it was going to be like 5 pounds. That is really great! It's nice when hard work pays off :) As an aside-that arm shot just doesn't do justice to my progress in that area. My arms look great. My tri's are coming in fantastic and my shoulders are awesome-although shoulders are my best body part by far-so they always look good.
The one thing I have completely blown off (oh and it WILL come back to haunt me) is the routine. I must get my music and the routine picked out. I don't even know if it is a 60 or 90 second routine. I can't pick a song. I love "Something in Your Mouth", a song off the new Nickleback album, but the connotations of the song might be a little much. I always lean toward AC/DC-they just rock. Paul would like me to do it to "Ballbreaker" which is amusing to me-plus it is a little slower than the Nickleback song, which makes it easier to pose to. I like "Thunderstruck" too. I mean really......that's what I'm talking about, right :) Last time I did Silvertide-which I could do again and would mean I wouldn't have to come up with a new routine-but that seems boring. I want a new routine and song. I just don't want the work. So sad. I was also looking at "Back in Black" I already have that song cut the way I want it for a routine. I was planning a routine to that cut the last time I was on stage. Then I opted to stay with what I already had at the last minute.....for exactly this reason. I procrastinated to the last minute then too. Grrrr. Stop it!
For the most part my attitude has been ok. I'm sure I have been a little more grumpy at times, but honestly, overall, I feel like I am only tired more so than bitchy. That is good news for my family and clients :) I have only had one or two days where I have really just wanted to punch everyone who talks to me. I should really be easy to get along with now since I am changing up the diet to include more carbs for a while. That is usually where the issue comes in-no or super low carbs makes you so foggy it is hard to function, which in turn just makes people more irritating.
The workouts are going just fine. I have little to report there except I am training very heavy and very hard. I rarely have issue with the training. That is the part I really love. I love getting stronger. I love looking fit. I love lifting weights-it makes me feel powerful!
Don't forget-"Winners do what losers won't!"
So the latest is-I was making great progress and then all of the sudden I hit a wall on fat loss. This was super dis-heartening-as I am sure you can imagine. However, being a bull-headed, know-it-all, is sort of what I am all about, so I just changed up my diet (AGAIN). We'll see where that gets me over the next week or two. In fact, I am going to use the diet my training partner/best bud fixed up for me while getting ready for my High School reunion last summer. I easily stripped down to 124 with way less effort than I am putting forth now. It includes lots more carbs, with a slight reduction in protien to make up for the calories. I can keep switching this thing up until the last two weeks; that's when it has either worked or not. If not, I may need to consider hiring someone to do a diet for me again. I don't know, maybe nearing 40 has just changed my ability to burn off fat to the point where I need a totally new diet. Maybe I am not working hard enough; I won't lie, that is a possibility. There is so much going on in other areas of my life it is very difficult to give this the attention that it requires. BUT, I will continue on for now. I still have time and I am not that bad off.
I don't have a whole set of pictures for "before", but I took a couple of myself this morning:
My mid section is coming in fine. I am happy with the progress there. I was looking at some progress photos from my last competition at about the same weeks out and it really looks like I am in about the same condition-fat wise-so that was good news. Awesomely though, it seems there is a chance I am going to be competing at a much higher weight than previously. I have always weighed in around 114 when competing. If I had to guess at this point I will probably be closer to 118-120 on stage this time. I knew I had put on some size since my previous adventure, but I didn't know it was going to be like 5 pounds. That is really great! It's nice when hard work pays off :) As an aside-that arm shot just doesn't do justice to my progress in that area. My arms look great. My tri's are coming in fantastic and my shoulders are awesome-although shoulders are my best body part by far-so they always look good.
The one thing I have completely blown off (oh and it WILL come back to haunt me) is the routine. I must get my music and the routine picked out. I don't even know if it is a 60 or 90 second routine. I can't pick a song. I love "Something in Your Mouth", a song off the new Nickleback album, but the connotations of the song might be a little much. I always lean toward AC/DC-they just rock. Paul would like me to do it to "Ballbreaker" which is amusing to me-plus it is a little slower than the Nickleback song, which makes it easier to pose to. I like "Thunderstruck" too. I mean really......that's what I'm talking about, right :) Last time I did Silvertide-which I could do again and would mean I wouldn't have to come up with a new routine-but that seems boring. I want a new routine and song. I just don't want the work. So sad. I was also looking at "Back in Black" I already have that song cut the way I want it for a routine. I was planning a routine to that cut the last time I was on stage. Then I opted to stay with what I already had at the last minute.....for exactly this reason. I procrastinated to the last minute then too. Grrrr. Stop it!
For the most part my attitude has been ok. I'm sure I have been a little more grumpy at times, but honestly, overall, I feel like I am only tired more so than bitchy. That is good news for my family and clients :) I have only had one or two days where I have really just wanted to punch everyone who talks to me. I should really be easy to get along with now since I am changing up the diet to include more carbs for a while. That is usually where the issue comes in-no or super low carbs makes you so foggy it is hard to function, which in turn just makes people more irritating.
The workouts are going just fine. I have little to report there except I am training very heavy and very hard. I rarely have issue with the training. That is the part I really love. I love getting stronger. I love looking fit. I love lifting weights-it makes me feel powerful!
Don't forget-"Winners do what losers won't!"
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Training Update
These are the supplements I take with breakfast. I'm supposed to be taking three each of the Livers and Aminos (the brown and white mammoth pills) but right now my stomach can't take that, so, I'm easing into it.I know it has been a few days. I'm still here....just a little more tired and a little weaker :)
Everything is still humming along just fine. I have dropped roughly 6 lbs in 9 days. At this point in the game, I can live with that progress. The diet is always the hardest, but so far, so good. I'm not really fighting too many cravings-except salt. Salty snacks are really my weakness anyway, but when I am dieting-it is almost unbearable how bad I want salt. Some of that is attributable to the fact that my diet is very low sodium, I'm sure; some if it is just because you always want what you can't have.......and I have yet to find a competition diet (that works) that is full of potato chips and hard salami. (mmmmm)
Training is going fine. I never have difficulty with that part. Other than the actual exercises used, I train most days even when I'm not competing anyway-so that's no biggie. Some days I can really go hard and heavy and some days, I definitely do not have it. Today will be a leg day-those are always tough. My leg routine right now looks like this:
All tri-sets (Three different exercises, performed one right after the other, no rest until all three are done. Rest two minutes and do it again-three iterations.)
(Heavy 12,10,8 reps)
- Leg Extensions (aprox 90, 100, 105-lbs)
- Lying Hamstring Curl (aprox 75, 85, 90-lbs)
- Standing Calf Raise (aprox 155, 195, 205-lbs)
- Barbell Squat (aprox 95, 105, 115-lbs)
- Romanian Deadlift (aprox 90, 95, 100-lbs)
- Seated Calf Raise (aprox 115, 135, 160-lbs)
- Leg Press (aprox 140, 160, 180-lbs)
- One-Leg Hamstring Curl (60,70,80-lbs)
- Calf Press (on leg machine) (aprox 140, 160, 180-lbs)
I did not do cardio this morning. I was so wiped out yesterday after cardio and shoulders, I thought maybe I should save my energy this morning and do legs first-right after breakfast when I get some carbs. I will probably run tonight or maybe even this afternoon (before lunch) and tonight, depending on how I feel I am holding up. One thing I don't want to do is burn out right off the bat.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Misery Loves Company
Another day, another .2 lbs. of fat off my body :) So far everything is going very well. I am sticking to the diet with ease at this point. It will get worse later; you can only eat so much chicken and broccoli before you want to stop eating all together. Anyway, for now-no problem. I have been 5 days with the current diet. Since I started contest prep so late in the game (9 weeks instead of 12 or 16) I pulled all but my breakfast carbs right off the bat. Today I have an "office" day planned, so I hope to take a bit of time, pull out my actual contest diet and see where I'm supposed to be food-wise at this point in the process. Now that I have jump-started my fat burning, I feel a little more confident about adding in some more carbs if it is expected.
I am down 3.8lbs since starting on Friday. I'm sure that is part water, part fat, but seeing the progress is a motivator. I feel confident I am not loosing too much muscle yet. For one, I can see exactly where the fat is coming off of my body. I can see my mid-section flattening out already and my shoulder muscles are starting to become a bit more apparent. This is how I will loose fat, with it coming off my legs last. I seem to carry the most fat on my thighs-which I find very annoying. I wish it was more evenly distributed. So...the progress is good at this point and I am happy with how I look in the morning. This is the time of day competitors evaluate themselves; you are the most dehydrated and your stomach empty. The morning review is an excellent way to track progress.
The workouts are going fine. I did a ridiculous leg routine on Sunday, which has left me sore even into this morning. Monday is the day I don't do weights-I only take one day off each week and that always seems to be the most difficult day to make it to the gym. Yesterday was a back routine. It was good, but I feel I am going to have ramp that up. I was just not satisfied when I was done-frankly I don't think I worked hard enough or lifted heavy enough. I will pull out my workout routines this morning too and take a look at them. I think my leg and arms regimen are good, but I am open to something else on other body parts.
Cardio is going well. For right now I am only doing once per a day and I am running on the treadmill. I can do this as long as I am seeing progress-once my fat burning slows I will move to two a day. You don't want to move this immediately if you can avoid it, just because you will get a bigger boost if the techniques can be added in later. It's all just a trick for your body. No one's body likes to get to 7% body fat. I will use any trick I can :)
I'm glad so far my attitude and emotion seem to be holding steady. Competitors tend to get a little cranky, but I am holding my own right now. Keep checking in though-that's sure to change and then the fun will really begin!
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